Tag: believe in self
Nomadness – The Hummingbird
Bali – Jan to March 2019
It’s been raining all day. And it’s fitting. That I sit here on my 2nd last day of my 2 month Nomadness in Bali during Nyepi (that’s like Chinese New Year but Bali style) which means 24 hours shut down, total silence as in no speaking, no leaving the grounds of where you live/stay, airport closed, no internet, no one allowed on the roads, no lights on – you get the picture.
So on this day of total silence (all 24 hours of it!) it’s fitting that it’s raining. Slow and steady. Calming. I feel like it’s cleansing us all – humans and nature alike. A fresh, clean start. All you can hear is the rain and the birds twittering. I’ve decided I want to come back in my next life as a bird. They always seem so happy and can just flit from one place to the next in moments. That would suit my Nomadness don’t you think?
Apart from that, it’s said that all birds are little Angels. And I like that. I had one come and visit me early this morning. A tiny, little, sulphur bellied bird (whistler I think). I think it had stunned itself flying into the glass and I saw it in the kitchen sink, by the scrubbing brush. I thought it was an avocado pip! When I moved the brush it nearly scared the bejeezus out of me as it flew up and sat on top of the kitchen lamp.
It’s little chest was going a hundred miles an hour. Poor little love. Sat there for at least 20 minutes or more. I like to think it was there for me – for both of us. To give a little mutual healing. He for having stunned himself and me recovering from a 3 night stint in hospital (a first in my life!). Pesky little amoebas – or amoebic dysentery. I don’t recommend it. I’m on day 5 of recovery and that’s after leaving the hospital. I never get sick! Nomadness indeed!!
Anyhoo, back to the cute little hummingbird. He still chirped away though didn’t move his tiny feet so I stood there and had a little chat with him, saying I’ll give you some healing if you give me some. And I think we did. I was terrified he’d fall over and die but he got perkier and perkier, started looking around as though for a direction to take off. You could just see it. And then in the next second, off he went. That’s me too I thought, I’ve turned a corner now from this dark, danky, horrid space I’ve been in and nothing is going to keep this warrior woman down!
Travelling solo is not easy despite how exotic and wonderful my Nomadness may sound and look to others. It has its moments like anything in life. Especially when you’re ill far away from home and friends, in another country, travelling in between destinations.
Picture this: you’re lying down in the car passenger seat. Your driver has decided he’s taking you to hospital instead of your next accommodation. He’s got his foot flat on the accelerator with his hazard lights on non-freaking-stop and using his horn and indicators non-freaking-stop (I’m just so glad I’m lying down and can’t see a thing from where I am!).
Without any warning it’s going to happen, I shout ‘I’m going to be sick!’ and with BatWoman lightning speed he’s got that finger of his on the electric window as I rise up and just manage to projectile vomit out the window of the moving car, managing pretty much to avoid the inside of the car. Impressive! I’d be pleased with myself if I wasn’t feeling so sick! And for the poor motorbike rider I catch a glimpse of who’s coming up on the inside and has to slam his brakes on to avoid my last few meals, I’m sorry, I hope I missed you!
I believe this ‘illness’ was a wake-up call. No, more than that – I could FEEL it was. Something bigger than me had taken hold of me and I needed to be shaken up to be able to face it and get going on some inner work to rid it (thank you to my whacky friends who supported me during this). There is always a journey to be taken, in my case a Nomadness one! That is, if we’re brave and bold enough to follow it to wherever it’ll lead. If I’m really honest, I knew this had been coming for a year or two at least. I just didn’t know it would be like this, hitting me with me weakest point – nausea and vomiting!
But life is like that. And I’ve always said that when Universe really wants you to listen – and you’re not – they will hit you over the head with a rubber mallet until you do. And then DO something about it. I have some serious shite and fears to smack in the face and out of my life! I will not let fear drive my world in any way, shape or form. ¡BASTA YA!
So the Nomadness journey moves on from beautiful green, lush, Bali with its kind and gentle people and the new and old friends here. It’s been an interesting stop, one I probably in reality could have done with less time in.
You see, I think I’ve learnt something about myself already on this Nomadness trip (I should bloody hope so!) And that is that whilst the travelling is great, I need to have more of a purpose during it. Like when I was in Cambodia and Viet Nam for 9 months, I was volunteering. Or in 2017 when I was travelling for most of the year, it was mainly for a ceramic residency.
I’ve also learnt ‘never say never’, ‘don’t make plans’ (because you know if you do God will laugh and she’ll tell you ‘that’s what YOU think you’re doing, I’ve got other plans for you!) and to just go with the flow, or my favourite saying – #LetGoToLetFlow – and see what happens.
And speaking of me having a purpose during my Nomadness travels, I’ve applied for something BIG! Something HUGE! Something I would love with all my heart to be a part of and that (if I do say so myself) I’m a perfect fit for. Hundreds of people have applied and they will choose just 4. Well, 3 as I’m assuming I’m already in! I’ll know at the end of March so watch this space.
Oman – here we come, Thelma and Louise (hope there is a Brad Pitt or two for us there!) I’ll tell you about that bit of Nomadness in the next blog.
I send you love, hugs and blessings. Be good, kind and gentle with yourself. If you want to get these blogs automatically, just sign up here.
I leave you with these snippets which I hope you can find your own wisdom through and add your own in the comments:
Things I have learnt and am learning:
- When you think the odds are stacked against you, the Universe is working out a plan for you
- When you’re in a ‘holding’ or ‘waiting’ pattern it’s for a reason, usually the Universe is lining something up for you
- Support and encouragement often come not from where you think or would like it but totally left field
- It never pays to cross, be angry, unkind or dismiss anyone. You never know when or where they’ll pop up again in your life
- When you’re at your lowest or feel most lost is usually when most learning and growth is happening
- When someone keeps you unexpectedly waiting, use the time creatively – like I’m doing now!
- Always, always trust yourself and your intuition, even and especially when everything on the surface indicates otherwise
- It’s really very simple. Ask yourself ‘does this make me feel good or does it make me feel bad? Always move to what is going to make you feel good
- The difference between what you think you want and what’s meant to be is in the feeling. The latter will give you a spark of excitement or current of electricity
- When you think you know someone, you don’t. And when you think you don’t know someone, you do – including yourself!
- From a low, comes a high and often clarity of why we needed to have that dip
- When you feel as though everything is crashing down around you, know that room is being made for something new, something bigger and better. Trust it!
- You are usually the only one you can really rely on so learn independence and make best friends with yourself
- My most wonderful moments have been to do with people and nature.
- I feel most liberated when I’m creating something and walking in nature
- Things are never as they seem and there is always, always a bigger picture which we are not aware of but have to trust. It is all for our own highest good
- We do not ‘pass away’ but rather ‘pass over’ to perfect light, love and happiness. And if we can believe this, death whether our own or loved ones holds no fear
- To ask yourself when in doubt or fear, What If? What If I CAN be better? What if I can do this job or be healthier or live the life I dream instead of just dreaming it? Just What If I CAN? And feel the shift inside you at the enormous possibilities open to you
- There (usually) isn’t anyone who can help you as much as you can help yourself
- Say less, listen more – much more
- Trust, Trust and then Trust some more
- We mostly are oblivious to the impact we have on others by our words and actions, how little support and encouragement is needed to lift someone to new heights